A few days ago, in an aspirational moment, I made this my Facebook profile picture.  This is what I believe we should be striving for, but I am not there yet.   The truth is that I can not seem to stop being afraid.

I've said from the beginning that Trump would win, and that it is not Trump himself who scares me (I grew up in the NY metro.  He is just a shallow bully, who has less intelligence, money, &/or influence than be brags about).   It is the people who voted for him, the "Deplorables", who terrify me.  

I believe he won because the American electorate was both overestimated and underestimated.   I think there was a belief that despite his rally numbers, most people would not really be willing to put a bigoted, racist, xenophobic, avowed sexual assailant in the White House.    On the left side, I was hearing a lot about how important this election was going to be.   How it was a fight for the country's soul.   There seemed to be little acknowledgment that the other side also understood the importance of voting, of maintaining their world as they understood it,  that all those people who were willing to be seen shouting vile slogans and waving hateful signs, were not going to suddenly find themselves unable to vote for the guy who told them that their anger and hate were good things.   Who does not want to hear that they are right?    Trump won, not despite his hate & lies, but because of them.   This election did not determine the content of our country's character, it revealed it.

For me, it has been a slow, painful slide from believing that most people are good and kind, to most people are more than just willing, to shoot first, and ask questions later (figuratively, in this case, literally would be a whole other blog post.)

As a woman I am afraid.   As a Latina, I am afraid.   As domestic violence survivor, I am afraid.   As an assault survivor, I am afraid.   As the mother, of two young men who have embraced our message to stand up, and speak out for what is right, I am afraid.   As the wife of a man who still believes that we have to keep fighting for love, equality, & equity for all, I am afraid.